Mixed around Upside down Rightside up Parallels and Crossroad

I am feeling...

Happy.Sad.Anxious.Tired.Excited.Curious.Peaceful.Sorrowful.Longing.Fulfilled.Friendship.Lonliness.Confused.

I have one week left in Rwanda. I don't know what to think about that. The irony is that I'm finally starting to get it. I feel a little anxious about delving into another transition phase of my life when I only really accustomised to this one within the last month. I have realised that a lot of my longing for home has been a coping mechanism for dealing with the difficulties, stresses and challenges of bearing witness to the injustice of our world. The poverty, inequality, and genocide are hard to grasp, and I'm only now allowing myself to jump head first into them. I think this is because the end is in sight, and if I cannot cope I know there is a way out: I'm going home.

For a long time I have stood on the water's edge, trying to navigate the lake without getting in. Had I known how hard that is, I would have jumped in sooner. Even though the shock of the cold water might strike hard at first, adjustment happens faster when you delve right in. Now that I'm here the water is nice, and I'm reluctant to climb back out.

Then, at the same time, I cannot wait. The next stage is enticing and exciting. I am especially anxious to be back with friends and loved ones. I'm looking forward to exchanging stories and unwinding my experience. A lot of it was too much to process while I was here and I know it will take time. I am eager for the future so I can figure out the present. What I have figured out, though, is this: with so much cruelty in the world, there is only time for kindness. I will carry this lesson close to my heart that aches for this country, humanity, and our world.